Eating at Filipino House Parties

A nagging voice on the other end of the telephone alerts me that one of my many numerous relatives is having a dinner party; to further the point, a FILIPINO dinner party.  Alright.  Who cares what the occasion really is–Filipinos will give any excuse to cook an enormous amount of food, stuff their faces, and be merry together.

“Oh, you cut your toenails??  Let’s celebrate!?”

Normally, I welcome the duties associated with having a tight-knit family.  After all, it could be worse and I do like how close my extended family is.  My dilemma begins when I have to extend that duty to my significant other; who by my mere intimate association, must accompany me and “show face”.  No, I don’t try to force him to go, but the barrage of questions and comments should he not be there isn’t worth the prodding and backlash I’ll receive when showing up alone, or what he’d face at future events when he’s mandated to make an appearance.

I should clarify that my wonderful boyfriend is not Filipino (see artists’ rendition in my ‘About Me’ section).  Even more so, he’s not a foodie.  He likes food, but a smaller percentage of it.  Call it what you will; a “meat and potatoes” guy.  Frankly, he’s awaiting the day where Soylent Green isn’t so far fetched an idea (sans the processed people part).  Suffice it to say; he likes maybe 2 or 3 things in a Filipino’s diet.  While I don’t blame or resent him in any way for not being as passionate about food as I am, this always poses a problem at family functions.

If you’ve never been to a Filipino house party, you’ll observe three things immediately when you walk in the door.

1.   A swarm of tan faces–stuffing said faces with food.
2.  A large table set aside with trays of food spilling over the edges.
3.  The host/ess, or your acquaintance, shoving a plate and utensils in your hands, telling you to eat.

I love Filipino food and even eat some of the delicacies that I’m surprised I still enjoy today.  Being raised on this stuff and learning what the ingredients are later in life, were key strategies set in place by my parents at a ripe age.  Dinuguan is DELICIOUS and don’t hate because I like it!

I can’t say the same for Mike, however.  In the beginning, I often had to guide him on what foods he should avoid and what he’d enjoy. He’d always take a little bit of steamed rice, lumpia (Filipino eggrolls) and any meats that look like they’ve been made with less than 5 ingredients; luckily for him too, we love to BBQ, so there was always something for him to eat.  As harmless as this should be, this was always a somewhat stressful experience for both of us; him for wanting to be in good graces with my eager-to-please family via his stomach, and myself for trying to ease him into the trappings of my eccentric and eager-to-please family.  I imagine there may be many others out there with a similar dilemma of wanting to please, but must draw the line somewhere.  So, I thought I’d put some thoughts down on our experience and some useful tips we’ve acquired thus far.

PUSHY AUNTIES WITH FOODS APLENTY
Our people are known for being very proud about our food and making a pastime out of eating it, so when a variety of Aunties are pointing to various dishes with their lips, wearing proud grins and anticipating his opinion on its taste, Mike would end up with a plate full of food that he never intended on eating.  Which also unfortunately meant I had to polish off as much of his food as I could as it’s encoded in my DNA to never waste it.

“Wilful waste makes woeful want”.  [1721 J. Kelly Scottish Proverbs 353]

We tried a few things.  First, he’d never take anything that he knew he wouldn’t eat, or myself for that matter.  Second, he’d get what he did like and eat it—slowly.  This would create the illusion that he had his fill and was still eating it too.  Alas, this tactic failed.  He was still being harassed by my relatives to eat more and try different things.  After many (failed) attempts on their end, I think they finally got the hint.  Furthermore, my mom sought further clarification about his eating habits and after that, he was nagged a lot less.

HOW MUCH FOOD COULD A NON-FILIPINO SHUCK, IF A NON-FILIPINO COULD SHUCK FOOD?
When it wasn’t so much an issue about getting Mike to try foods he wouldn’t like, he was then bombarded with questions about whether he had eaten, if he’d eaten enough, why he wasn’t eating or if he wanted more to eat.  After leaving one such birthday party one evening, he admitted to being asked at least 20 times some form of this question.  God bless my family; they mean so well!

We tried a different tactic.  As much as he didn’t want to waste food, he would get a little more so that it would appear like he was still eating, and just let it sit there.  Plate on the food = “yes, I’m eating, I will continue to eat, so no, I would not like more food”.  This actually worked somewhat.  The questions were posed less, but didn’t disappear entirely.  He would still get asked if he’d had enough to eat.

MIND OVER FATTER
Even 6 years later and numerous family parties later, Mike still gets nagged in the various ways already aforementioned.  Our latest, and most recent attempt seems to be the best proven method to avoid such inquiries.

“I’m on a DIET.”

Why didn’t we think of this earlier?!  There are connotations to that word that seem to sink in better than saying “no thank you” or “I’m not hungry”.  For some reason no one believes you, but say you’re on a diet, and they back off!  Frankly, it’s a quandary for its simplicity, but maybe there’s a method to this madness.  Is it the sensitivity surrounding the state of mind of such a person practicing said diet?  Maybe it’s pity for the suffering and angst most commonly associated with it?  Or, maybe it’s the realization that some typical Filipino dishes can often be high in cholesterol and fattening?  Something makes me think it’s more the latter, but if you’re looking for a crutch, this might be it.  I would only recommend using this bit if you’re well acquainted enough with your hosts so as not to offend. Of course, little white lies aren’t encouraged either, but seeing as the both of us could lose a few pounds, it’s not exactly stretching the truth either.

Regardless of what sentiments one may extract from such ranting, eating of course is only part of the night surrounding a Filipino house party, however a big part.  There’s the line dancing to ballroom music, the occasional karaoke, and a couple pick up games of mah jong or poker.  Mike and I don’t take it as seriously as one would conjure up from such restraint portrayed, but the stress at the time was very real!  He manages very well now and my Aunties even go as far as teasing him just enough for how he “eats like a bird”.

If you’re a lover of food, you will be in foodie heaven stepping into a Filipino household for the first time. The smells, sights and sounds are truly something to behold and introducing these typical foods to people once ignorant is an experience worth tucking away for remembering later.  It can often times be a “badge of courage” as well; I’ve made mental notes of friends who’ve tried (and even liked!) dinuguan since sometimes making the gesture is more gratifying than actually liking it.

At a recent birthday surprise party for my brother, one of his friends mentioned how she grew up with a Filipino friend and the smell of the food cooking was reminiscent to spending time at her house.  That iconic remembrance and comfort it brings, triggering fond memories and happy times of yesteryear, and experiencing “Filipino-hospitality” at its best, is more or less what it’s always been about.  Maybe it even makes the food taste better?  At the end of the night, a mark of gratitude a Filipino will forever appreciate besides saying “Thank you” is saying “I’m full!”

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Check out my next Filipino themed installment: FILIPINOS IN CEMETERIES.